The Hackensaw Boys : Rob

Vandals, thieves or future fans are being sought for questioning regarding the disappearence of a VA-licensed passenger van from 31st Avenue Tuesday night.

The van, registered to the Hackensaw Boys of Virginia, was later recovered in a municipal impound lot.

The Hackensaw Boys, a stringband from Virginia, are known for their steady driving while constantly evolving and involving everyone they meet with a new brand of American music. They reported the van missing on Wednesday.

An unnamed representative from the impound lot reported that the vehicle was found Wednesday parked perpendicular across a sidewalk crushing a fire hydrant and “no standing” sign on 35th Avenue. The vehicle was apparently abandoned and filled with half-empty water bottles and rotting apples.

NYPD spokesman Lt. Capt. Steve McStevenowskin said police have launced a small, but full investigation into the mysterious disappearence and subsequent reappearence of the van.

“Officers are looking at the case from every angle,” He said, “But there are a great deal of unanswered questions. For now, it is simply a criminal investigation.”

McStevenowskin explained to reporters in a 3/24 press conference that the van was located late Wednesday, 3/23, behind a historic city theater. He would say that witnesses described seeing two individuals around the van at around 10pm, but one subject could not be identified as he slid and flailed down the icy sidewalk. The other subject was obscured by numerous six-packs of lime green Ballantine XXX beer.

By the time NYPD officers were summoned to the scene, the pair had disappeared into the night.

Detectives immediately secured the area and eventually aimed their probe at the local Hammerstein Ballroom where the Hackensaw Boys had been scheduled to perform earlier that night. However, officers were turned away by security.

A Hammerstein Ballroom security guard identified as Smiling Charlotte said that that officers lacked the appropriate “buttons” to enter the backstage area of the ballroom.

Police then towed the van to the NYPD forensic garage for further inspection.

Officials say that though there were no fingerprints recovered from the van, investigators discovered the vehicle’s suspension had been severely battered and certain cosmetic blemishes--inside and out--indicated that the van could have been stolen for a simple joyride by area youths.

“We are still trying to establish a motive for the unlawful use of this conveyence.” McStevenowskin said, “On the one hand, we have a suspension system that looks like it just spent six-months on a New Hampshire highway—leading us to believe that it was stolen by joyriding vandals, while on the other hand, we realize it is a passenger van--an obvious contradiction to any definition of the word joyride.”

The van was painstakingly recovered by the band, from the police, by Salvage Hackensaw. NYPD insisted that the band not clean the van as detectives may need to look for further clues in the days to come. Hackensaw indicated that the only thing found to be missing from the van were a couple of air conditioning grates and a current issue of Rolling Stone eulogizing the late Hunter S. Thompson.

A statement released by the Hackensaw Boys Friday indicated that anyone with information regarding the dissappearence of the van is encouraged to see them personally at the Bowery Ballroom in NYC on May 13.

“We are elated to be back in the Silver Six, our van. We regret the new wear and high miliage inflicted on her as a result of this mishap, but we will press on. Hell, we are all wiser for the wear.” the statement read.

The van is now happily recovering back at the Virginia Hackensaw Fold with the Dirty Bird, her elder touring companion.

The Hackensaw press release indicated that they are proud of their new, little van adding that though it may be different that the Dirty Bird, it offers its own unique brand of “getting us there.”

“Its a good little van--would do anything for the band. It has already proved that.”

Story by Four Hackensaw